Usually you’re just a god, but this week you’ll be a domestic goddess. OK, that might just involve ordering a takeaway and emptying the dishwasher, but your man/flatmates will love you for it. If you want something from them, pretend to vacuum, too.

Passion Rating: ♥♥


Mercury and Mars join forces this week, so you’ll be able to get exactly what you want by using your charm. And by charm we aren’t talking about you being ultra flexible and capable of things that would make a lady of the night blush.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥



Mercury will be bringing you down to earth this week. That might sound unnecessary as it’s not unusual for you to be found lying drunk on the ground… sorry ‘resting’. If you’ve been planning a wedding with someone you’re not even dating, it’s time to get some perspective.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


This week Mars is making you ultra assertive. Although this doesn’t give you the right to read ugly slags to filth, or tell anyone they’re too badly dressed to glimpse at your beauty, it does mean you don’t have to put up with anyone’s crap. Stick up for yourself, Cancer.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥



Has someone got under your skin? Or are you just not your usual perky self? Thanks to Mars even you can’t keep up the showbiz mask of merriment this week. Mercury will be making you feel a little insecure too. Then again, don’t you dare forget you’re fab.

Passion Rating:



Mars and Mercury are putting an end to you trying to save the world single-handedly. It’s time to reach out to people, ask for assistance or just meet mates to forget the stress. Yes, we know you’re virtually perfect, but this week cut yourself some slack.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥


Jupiter will be forcing you to take some time to yourself this week. You’ve been under more pressure than a bubble booty in tiny trunks this week, so tell yourself nothing is worth having a meltdown for… unless it’s the Selfridges sale.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥


Gobby Mercury and bold as brass Mars are both in your ninth house. This means you’ll be making a drunken night in the Big Brother house look like an old people’s home. Brace yourself world, Scorps is on fire and there’s no stopping him.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥


Oh dear. Your mouth will be as loose as your morals this week thanks to Mars and Mercury joining forces. God help anyone who wants you to keep a secret. You’ll probably launch a YouTube channel just to spill the beans. Try to keep a lid on anything important, babes.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


Stop trying to be your own PR. People know you aren’t perfect. Everyone knows you’re using filters on Instagram. You can blame Neptune. For sure it’s not helping. But it’s time to give up trying to be perfect and go #NoFilter for once.

Passion Rating: ♥♥


Mars has just moved into Cancer, so your to do list won’t just be a list of men’s names for once. Yes, you’re going to be a busy bitch this week, so get organised. Actually, screw it, just get a social secretary and give yourself a break. 

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥


Nothing is going to be quiet this week when Mars and Mercury bring out your bold, beautiful, bitchy and bootylicious side. In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up in jail by the end of the week. If you’re going to go wild, you may as well do it in style.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥

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