Mercury is moving backwards through your ninth house, so prepare for your mouth to be as big as your ego when you’re tonked. You might speak the truth without meaning to, but sometimes saying things straight is worth a little awkwardness.

Passion Rating: ♥♥


Mercury is moving through stern Saturn, so no matter how eloquent and smooth you try to be, you might end up going tush over tits, stumble over your words and make a fool of yourself. Don’t sweat it. Nobody’s perfect, besides Chris Hemsworth.

Passion Rating:



Retrograde Mercury is in alignment with serious-as-hell Saturn. It might be time to think long and hard about a relationship in your life. If someone doesn’t treat you well, ditch them faster than last season’s fashion.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥


Saturn is all about you feeling happy and well. Mercury in retro means business too, so it’s time to look at what you do in life that makes you miserable and try to change it. No, this is not an excuse to only buy Christmas presents for yourself.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥



It’s time to admit it. You’re an ambitious bitch. OK, you’re not exactly unaware. In fact, you’d wear high heels to tread over your colleagues’ backs just to cause them extra pain if you could. Now is the time to take your dreams to the next level.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥


You love nothing more than to bury your head in the sand… besides burying your face in someone’s manly chest. But Mercury’s alignment with Saturn means you have to confront something head on. It won’t be fun, but it’ll be worth the pain.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


Mercury’s retrograde is in your house of communication, so you’ll be spouting nonsense non-stop. Saturn means you might be feeling extra bitchy, too, so please don’t finish any sentences with, ‘you lowlife, saggy norked hag on stilts.’

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥


Spendthrift Sagi is meeting Mercury in retrograde, so expect to lose money faster than your dignity after eight pints. Unless you find designer clothes delicious or want to lose loads of weight, don’t waste your money on luxuries you can’t afford.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


You usually love going with the flow, but this is the week to get organised and start looking towards 2018. Being impulsive is great, but don’t think people don’t notice you shopping in your dressing gown and taking six hour lunch breaks.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


Mercury in retrograde is forcing you to move forward. If someone has f-ed you off, it’s time to forgive them. This doesn’t mean you have to forget… or put a horse’s head in their bed either. set yourself free from resentment.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


Whilst Mercury in retrograde is awakening your socialite side, stern Saturn will be turning things a bit tense. Sometimes no amount of diplomacy can soothe the tension. Just make yourself happy and don’t be responsible for everyone else.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥


Saturn is all about life goals this week, whilst Mercury in retrograde is giving you the chance to see whether what you’re fighting for is really something you want. If you’re not bothered about the destination you’re travelling to, perhaps it’s time to change trains.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥

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