Stars

Aries

This week aim to keep the number of bitch slaps you dish out to under ten. OK, realistically you might manage less than 20, seeing as Mars is in Cancer and squaring off with Uranus. We worry for your delicate palms, so get some hand sanitiser and moisturizer.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥

Taurus

You might surprise yourself this week thanks to Mars and Uranus. Perhaps you’ll end up speaking your mind with a certain someone you’ve been scared to be honest with. Or you could just decide to go to the shops nude for the hell of it. Either way, be proud.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥

 

Gemini

There’s a bitch on heat that you need to keep your eye on. Perhaps someone is trying to steal your man. Or some minger could have the hots for you and might spoil your play for that hottie you’ve got your eye on. Thankfully Mars is in Cancer, so you’ll make quick work of them.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥

Cancer

Is it time to get the gays on vaycay? It doesn’t matter how last minute things are, it’s time to get your mates together for a Prosecco-soaked mini-break. It’s way overdue and Uranus in your career zone means it’s time to take a break from the grind.

Passion Rating: ♥♥

 

Leo

Mars is landing in Leo until early September. It’s time to forget what the world wants you to be and focus on your dreams and no-one else’s. The Sun is in Cancer, so there’s no need to sweat. Being a bit selfish might just help you become the best version of yourself.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥

 

Virgo

Mars is bringing the passion, the Sun is puffing up your ego, whilst Uranus is bringing out your seductive side. Basically you’re going to be a monster on the dance floor, between the sheets and even in the yoghurt section of the supermarket. You’re unstoppable.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥

Libra

This week isn’t about having your cake and eating it. It’s more about eating five slices before almost puking and then throwing it out the window. Thanks to Mars nothing you do this week will go quite to plan, or please everyone. So just do your best and say f-it instead.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥

Scorpio

Step away from the iced buns, lard, McDonlads and the sweet trolly, bitch. The Moon in Aries means it’s time to step up your healthy game. Pump your pecs, down some kombucha and kiss goodbye to those love handles. Just try to leave enough for your fella to hold on to.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥

Sagittarius

Needy, demanding, a diva, brattish and totally unreasonable. No, not our latest dating profile blurb, but how you’ll be feeling now Mars and the Sun are landing in your zone of passion. We advise texting your entire friendship group with an advance apology.

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Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥

Capricorn

Rule number one in life is don’t pretend you’re something you’re not. You’re only kidding yourself because everyone else can see right through your act. Mars moving into Leo means it’s time to accept yourself. As soon as you do, you’ll see how glad people are you’ve finally arrived.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥♥

Aquarius

Hush your beak, Aquarius. You’re fascinating, charming and full of amazing chat, but don’t reveal too much, too soon. It’s time to keep a little of the mystery going, especially if you’re going on a date. Don’t give them pudding before they’ve had their starter.

Passion Rating: ♥♥

Pisces

Uranus will be making you ultra emotional and tempted to bring up all the filthy gossip you’ve been keeping under your hat. Please don’t gossip or trash someone’s reputation no matter how feisty you feel. You’ll live to regret it, no matter how delicious it feels.

Passion Rating: ♥♥♥

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