Lady Lloyd’s Eurovision Party at Ku Bar Leicester Square: Saturday 13th May

Lady Lloyd’s annual Eurovision spectacular at Ku Bar always scores 12 points in our book, but the Eurovision Song Contest itself is full of remarkable highs and historic lows. Here are Lloyd’s top ten memorable Eurovision moments.

Douze points

1. Loreen – Euphoria (Sweden)

Sweden is the queen of Eurovision. It’s unquestionable, and Loreen’s winning song is the peak of modern era Eurovision – and then it begins to snow. Euphoria bought the competition bang up to date and plenty of entries since owe thanks to this Swedish goddess.

2. Gina G – Ooh Aah… Just A Little Bit (UK)

The UK’s best entry by far. Poor Gina couldn’t pull off a win but did score one of the biggest Eurovision hits of all time, reaching number one in the UK. It’s thought that dress and those lyrics were just a tad too much for Eurovision at the time, although I didn’t realise it’s all about getting a good dicking when I was singing it in the playground.

3. Petra Mede and Mans Zelmerlow – Love Love, Peace Peace

Last year’s interval act (forget Justin Timberlake), Petra Mede and Mans Zelmerlow were incredible hosts and, with this song, deconstructed the Eurovision ‘rules’ to victory. Hamster wheels, Russian grannies, themes of love and peace (obviously) all good. And Mans ripping his shirt open (also good). So beloved by fans, it’s finally been released to streaming services this week! Go listen, and maybe you’ll write next year’s winner.

4. Australia’s entries

With Isaiah this year, Australia are 3/3 since joining the competition on its 60th birthday. Last year’s runner up place went to Dami Im, with her incredible vocal performance of Sound of Silence, snatched at the last minute by Ukraine, which left the whole of Ku Bar booing and me in tears.

5. Sergey Lazarev – You Are the Only One (Russia)

One of the best stagings of all time, fans were actually gasping at the complex choreographed routine, which included climbing an LED screen in a total what-the-fuck moment. Absolutely stunning presentation, Russia are consistently good, despite everyone hating them, which leads us to….

Nil points

1. Russia’s ban

This year there will be no Russia in the competition, following the news that their selected singer had performed illegally in Crimea. The singer, Yuliya Samoylova, was offered the chance to sing via satellite, but declined. It’s expected she was picked on purpose, to get Russia banned and to come back next year and sweep up sympathy votes. We ain’t playing that game Russia, we see you!

2. The UK’s deterioration 

Firstly, we are one of Eurovision’s greatest success stories with five wins. The trouble is that last win was in 1997. And since then we’ve offered up the likes of Electro Velvet, Englebert Humperdinck, Scooch and literal NIL POINTS for Jemini (shudder). This year, however, things are looking a bit more on track, with Lucie Jones’ rehearsals impressive fans and bookies. A top ten placing is actually possible (just don’t mention that Brexit thing, ta).

3. Charlotte Perrelli’s deterioration

Charlotte became Eurovision royalty when she scooped the win for Sweden in 1999 with Take Me To Your Heaven, one of the greatest ever wins, but since then she returned to the competition with Hero, which failed to do the business, and this year she came last in Sweden’s pre-selection show with a crap acoustic ballad. Not what we are after from you, madam!

4. Dustin the Turkey (Ireland)

Ireland has a wonderful Eurovision history, winning the competition more than any other country. However, they have never been forgiven for sending this creepy puppet, singing a club version of Irish Folk. Terrible, terrible entry.

5. Valentina Monetta – The Social Network Song (OH OH – Uh – OH OH) (San Marino)

Originally called The Facebook Song, Valentina was forced to change it by lawyers. “If you wanna come to my house, then click me with your mouse…” I’ll say no more. She’s back this year for the fourth time, seemingly being the only singer from San Marino (population: 1).

Ku Bar and Klub, 30, Lisle Street, off Leicester Square, London, WC2H 7BA.

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